SWITCH FROM THE GOLDEN RULE TO THE PLATINUM RULE
Although well intended and effective in many ways, the golden rule focuses on the wrong person..........you! In order to be effective in building strong relationships, you have to STOP thinking in the context of what YOU would want and shift to what THEY want.
This is what Dr. Tony Alessandra calls The Platinum Rule.
Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.
In personal situations, this is quite obvious. Imagine if a husband came home on his wife's birthday and gave her a dozen Titleist golf balls as a present because that is what HE would have wanted (she doesn’t play golf.) We all know how well that would go over!!
For some reason in the workplace, we forget this important lesson and it becomes especially dangerous when we manage and lead people.
Here are three examples:
BEHAVIORAL STYLES - We use DISC assessments in our leadership courses to help individuals first become self-aware of their own styles and then become more aware of other people's styles that are different then theirs (which are the majority!) Light bulbs definitely go off in these sessions as people begin to understand there isn't a right or wrong style, just different styles, each with strengths and weaknesses. Once they understand that people process and handle things differently, they start to understand that they need to flex away from their personal style to the other person's style in order to connect in a positive a productive way.
A great example involves legendary basketball coach Phil Jackson who had Michael Jordan and Dennis Rodman on the same team. Two VERY different behavioral styles. Jackson had to treat them differently in order to get the most out of them. He treated them fairly, but differently because their unique styles.
Bad leaders think that everyone needs to adjust to their style and should respond only to the things they like. This is arrogant and selfish. Great leaders focus on others. Period.
Takeaway: When building relationships, understand your style and others, respect the differences and learn how to flex in order to meet THEIR needs.
MOTIVATORS - We also use a quick motivators exercise in our leadership sessions where we force people to rank 17 different personal motivators from most to least important (included in Cup of Know Inventory!) Then we ask them to write down their top three on Post-It notes and put them on flip chart sheets by motivator across the room. The visual is quite powerful. People see Post-It notes in each of the 17 motivators and quickly realize that other people are motivated by a wide variety of things.
Some liked flexible schedules, others liked working in teams and some were purely motivated by money. All are acceptable answers. There is no right or wrong. Many leadership class attendees have taken this assessment back to their teams, had them do the motivators exercise individually and then discussed the results. The exercise "teed up" discussions that would never naturally happen which resulted in a better understanding of true personal motivators. Also, the employee felt valued since the manager took the time to understand their specific drivers.
Takeaway - Everyone is motivated. It's up to you to find out what specifically motivates them and tap into those sources. People will be happier and more productive. Remember this before you hand out generic gift cards to your entire team and expect everyone to be excited and motivated by the gesture.
RECOGNITION - Just like styles and motivators, people have different views on the way they'd like to be recognized. Some only want their boss to say "job well done" in a private setting while others want to be recognized in front of a large group and have an article written about them in the monthly newsletter (with a flattering head shot, of course!)
If you use the wrong recognition approach because you are doing what YOU would like, you run the risk of alienating your employee and/or embarrassing them in front of a crowd.
Takeaway - Take the time to understand how each employee likes to be recognized and make sure you use that approach. This, again, will show that you care about them individually and employees will appreciate your personalized approach.
The Platinum Rule, not the Golden Rule, should be your guide in improving relationships and leading others. Remember, it's not about you!